KROFF

This is my special friend Maria.  I will never forget her!  One year ago I had a very scary moment where I was standing in the kitchen (luckily Justin was there) and I felt like I was having a heart attack.  My sweet, protective husband ran me to the doctor.  A long story made short I was told I had an Anxiety Disorder that was giving me Panic Attacks (along with a few other health issues).  My Heavenly Father carefully guided me to Maria's office and she has helped me step through what I call my "Giant Personal Progress Program."

 I stand here with a smile on my "Graduation Day" looking back at my last year.  I am at awe what I have been through and feel so blessed and sooo lead to have made it through.  I have been taught so much.  My faith has been strengthened and if it's possible to grow closer to Justin and my children, I've done it!

I choose to be open and want to share what I've been through because I want my children to know how to deal with things like this.  I want to be able to help other women around me that I know go through the same thing or things similar.

I never want to see others go to a spot where they are paralyzed, can't get out of bed, literally have an attack when the phone rings or someone knocks on the front door.  It hurts not to be able to look at dear friends in the eyes or to stop going to the park with my 2 year old.  It's scary not being able to drive or feeling like your going to crash or just go crazy when your husband is just trying to drive you to the doctors office.  It's so sad to not be there for the most precious little faces to you in all the world. 

President Monson's word of courage helped me many a times...

"Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one's coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says:  I'll try again tomorrow."

I never thought I would be making goals in my life to just get up and get dressed. To just walk to the mail box or to be able to look people in the eye again, but I set all these goals one at  time and I worked on them over and over.  I still have a little anxiety but use tools Maria introduced me to and find my "second effort" as Pres. Monson says.

Two things really stick out to me about what I've learned: 

In President Uchtdorf's words...

"Forget not....the difference between good & foolish sacrifice."

I now always ask myself if this is a foolish sacrifice and always try to "Choose Better or Best (our family motto)"  Asking myself "Why not?" also works.  I'm often leaving things undone because it just doesn't matter.  I try to say yes a little more than I say no but I purposefully don't go to everything I'm invited to.  I leave my messages and emails 'til I'm ready to listen or answer.

Second, also in Pesident Uchtdorf's words...

"Forget not....the Lord loves you!"

I've always known this.  I've always felt this in all I've been given and everything beautiful that is around me.  The Lord's hand is in my life everyday!  What I didn't realize was thoughts of what other people think were crossing my mind. Maria helped me train my mind to take these thoughts and change them to just pleasing myself and the Lord. 

I have great PEACE and so much CONTENTMENT in my life!!!  I'm so blessed, so loved.  I've learned to love all the hard times or trials in my life.  Each so-called "graduation day" I've had after each challenging moment in the last 11 years has always brought such an overwhelming feeling of love, peace and happiness!